Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Some of My Writing

As many of you know, College is a great experience, and part of that experience is meeting new people.  I made a friend when I very first started in one of my general classes.  As with most college friendships, I wasn't sure how long it would last, but we found that we both loved writing, and that love seems to have been one of many things that has kept us in contact over these three or four years.

A couple of months ago, he asked me to do a character sketch for him.  It was for a book he's been working on for a while, and he was trying to make one for his heroin in the story, but was finding it difficult because he was basing her on a person he actually knows really well, and as us writers know, it can sometimes be difficult describing someone for the first time when we've known them for years.

At first, I didn't know where to start.  I have a hard time doing the cut and dry character sketches, and I knew he wanted more than a sheet with that said, Eyes: Brown, Hair: Brown, Complexion: Exotic, blah blah blah... so I left it on the back burner until I got an idea for describing her yesterday.

My real issue is that I needed her in some kind of setting.  I needed her to be doing something.  I finally figured out that writing stories, is kind of like making movies.  In a movie, they show you a picture to evoke an emotion, in books, we have to make you think of a picture that evokes an emotion (a pretty difficult task).  I had to do more than describe her dimensions and hair color, I had to help you know what it's like to first have her walk into your life.  I need for you to feel what that's like.  I have a feeling that I wrote her stronger than my friend wanted, but I think it was a good exercise anyway.

Anyway, this is me, taking that real big leap that many of us bloggers often want to take, but are very afraid to:  I'm going to show you some of my writing.  I'll add the caveat that many of us do, I only worked on it for like, two hours, and if I had cleaned it more it would be better, and blah blah blah.... tell me what you think, but don't be too crushing. :)

She was late.  Not by much, but enough for me to notice the dim, 1950’s hotel lights lining the walls.  The place was packed with high rollers in Italian originals, playmates flaunting their little black numbers, and the department store two piecers feeling up the high rollers.  The room itself was thin, just a sliver in the row of buildings it rested in.  Fire Code probably restricted the number of occupants hours ago.
I sat alone, watching the low roar.  The predators, their prey, and the poisonous temptations.  Then she walked in.   The energy of the lights, the music, the tinkling glasses and the talking people were stolen to illuminate her perfect figure.  The elongated neck, the slender shoulders on down to her muscular legs, shown by the slit in her dress.  Her figure made her look much taller than she was, even among the power mongers and their leggy toys.
Her creamy, milk chocolate skin spoke Aztec Goddess, clad in a silk dress, made of leopard print material.  The trappings may have screamed indigenous native, but her eyes were unaware of the Spanish Conquest’s success.
Those staggering eyes glanced over the room and eventually found me.  Her target.  She walked toward me, each step calculated and fluid.  Each step sunk into the floor and became one with the room.
I searched through the brown of her eyes for information and found a vault and an open book, all at the same time.  Tears were not a rarity, but few had been seen by any living person.  The cause of her grief was also a mystery, though I knew they had seen Hell.
She searched through me as well.  She’d been hurt, but was determined not to be hurt again.  I could feel myself being picked apart.  My fear, my weaknesses, and my worries were all on display.  I tried to build up a wall, but I was already in her grasp.
  Within the ten seconds it took her to walk to me, I knew that she would be my predator, and I her prey.  Either the strength she exhibited was real, and I would find myself following her to my death, or it was a façade, and I would protect her to my last breathe. 
Her slender hand gracefully gripped the back of the chair, pulled it out, and she slid into the seat opposite mine.

Thanks for reading.  Have a nice day. :)


  1. I found it to be very descriptive. You captured her well, or SHE captured YOU :)
    I like your writing.
    You have also made me realise that I haven't described my characters in my book enough. Time for some more editing!

    Oh.. BTW Artist and Geek asked you on my Moby post if you could enable name/url on your page so they can comment. If you would like to reply feel free to use that post on my page to do so.

  2. p.s. love that you put your awards on your page :)

  3. go to
    who can comment?
    click "anyone"

    this will enable users like A&G who wish to comment. they still have to put in word verification, so it's still safe :)

  4. Hi!
    She's slinky and feline.
    Thank you Sprite, that was kind of you.

  5. I like the idea that she's a "vault and an open book at the same time." Explore that.

  6. @ Missy,
    Haha, thank you. Now I just need a million more people to think the same way as you do so I can get published. :)

    I will say that character developement is always hard. In high school I had a Poe type style, I think because I didn't feel like I was good enough to create a character in that short of space.

    And of course I put them on my page, I'm proud of them.

    And, a huge thank you for helping A&G and me out. I've always liked his comments on other people's pages, and now I get some of my very own. Speaking of...

    Hey hey, good to have you here. I think those are the exact words I was going for. I wondered if people would pick up that I was trying to give the image that she was a jungle cat.

    Thanks. If it were my story I'd probably explore it more. I'm really not even sure that's how my buddy wants her to be described, but I may throw someone like her into a story in the future and will try to incorperate that more. I wondered if people would like that part or not, so I'm glad it grabbed your attention.

    @ Everyone
    Thank you for commenting and giving me some good feedback. I know it's not perfect, but it's nice to hear that you liked it, and you also gave me some things to think about for when I write next.

  7. Good stuff! Poetic, I think and madly sexy in a way I can't quite define.

  8. i keep seeing you commenting on the blogs i stalk regularly, so i thought i'd come over & scope you out.
    isn't it funny how we can write blog posts day in & day out, but writing something with the intention of getting it published or critiqued makes us feel all squeamish & exposed?
    you did a good job here. she's the woman that the women love to hate because the men love to love her.

  9. @MM
    Thanks. The girl he's trying to describe is really pretty, but in a forboding kind of way, if you know what I mean... like, dangerous sexy.

    Thank you so much for checking me out, and welcome.
    And yes, you are too right. I can write about my life and know people aren't really going to judge, but I classify something as "my writing" and I suddenly fear that everyone will hate it...
    Thank you for saying I did a good job. I don't konw as I was 'going for' that description, but now that I read it, she is supposed to be kind of that way. :)