Sunday, November 7, 2010

People Exhaust Me, but They don't Exhaust My Wife

I'm an introvert.  People I say that to are often very surprised.  I talk a lot in classes.  I have friends.  I sing karaoke at family get-together's, but I am an introvert.

My wife is an extrovert.  People are surprised when we say that because she is very shy.  She never talks in classes except to read.  She has a few very close friends.  She never sings karaoke at any get-together, but she is an extrovert.

The issue that we have is that Introvert and Extrovert are terms that are improperly operationalized.  Introvert and Extrovert are Psychological constructs, meaning that they are made up words to describe something that can't actually be measured or seen, but exist none the less.  So, we are forced to operationalize, meaning that we set up a set of things that we can observe that together equal the two constructs, but this is where issues arise.

If a person takes a personality test, he/she will be asked a series of questions and will likely be told his/her level of extroversion, the problem with the test is that half of the questions are often invalid when asking about levels of extroversion.  To understand why, we need to lay out what introvert and extrovert mean.  Both of these words point to where someone gets his/her energy.  Extroverts get it from others, introverts get it from being alone.  So when the tests ask: "Are you considered the life of the party by friends or family?"  My wife is going to say no, and I am going to say yes, but guess where the scores will fall.  So, in taking the tests both of us often fall in the middle when really, she gets her energy from others, and I get it from being alone.  I just happen to talk and she doesn't.

How my wife functions is actually kind of funny, and her family can attest to this.  My wife can't do anything alone, somebody else must be there.  Like, when she cleans the house: I don't actually need to be helping her for it to get done, but I need to be next to her.  Whereas, if I need to clean the house, I'd rather be alone with some music; that's how I get the most done.  At parties with a lot of people, she will sit with me and say nothing while I talk to everyone who approaches us.  It looks like I am having a much better time, but at the end of the night, she is invigorated and feels great, while I feel absolutely exhausted.

So this is me, calling for better operationalization of the words introvert and extrovert, but I doubt they'll actually be changed.  That doesn't mean I have to like it though.

On a more personal note, I have a sore throat today.  We have been out of town so we haven't visited our home church lately and I was kind of looking forward to it.  Oh well, better luck next week.

7 comments:

  1. I just found your post after googling "people exhaust me". Its nice to know I'm not the only who just wants to be alone alot, but I wonder if it'll ever be okay. I just spent 2 days with my daughter and young grandkids and felt like I was going to love my mind with my daughter doing on and on about drama on facebook, politics, etc. Even at my age I still don't know how to deal with the issue of withdrawing too much,or being too beat up by other peoples energy. Oh well....at least I'm alone in a motel right now. Thanks for letting me vent.

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  2. Vent away man. There are more of us than I think any of us realize (because we never talk about it). On a humorous side note, "people exhaust me" is by far the way people most find my blog through searches.

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  3. I think you need to write a book about this. Yes, I'm in the same boat--can be perfectly sociable, talkative, and actually enjoy it in measured doses (knowing we'll have the quiet comfort of the car at an appointed hour for the drive home makes it easier; day-long events like weddings and family reunions can be really taxing...), but I'm always exhausted at the end of it. Solitude is like a wonderful hot soak in the bathtub: refreshing!
    Thanks for bringing this up, and please write more on the subject.

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    1. I appreciate your faith in me, but I hardly know enough on the subject to write a book on it. Not yet anyway.

      You hang in there with dealing with the all day social engagements. We hate 'em, but out loved ones sure are happy we make the trip.

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  4. Interesting insight, and probably true. Sometimes I feel being around people saps the energy out of me. And before I try to attend an event or something I might have to brace myself for the upcoming hours of "acting lively". However there are times when it's not all bad..:)

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    1. I've found it depends on if the people around me 'expect' something out of me. As in, are they cool with me just being myself, sitting back and saying what I really think, or do they 'expect' me to put on some kind of show.

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  5. I am a mix of you and your wife. I can't go out for long periods of time, and can't work. it makes me literally unwell, and I have nightmares and hysteria and waking dreams/hallucinations from the stress of other people's energy. I have to go out only when my energy is strong enough. ha! You and your wife, I salute you, sir! ;) Keep on Truckin.

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