Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Rule 9: Work On Yourself

1.  I won the Stanley Cup for the second time with the LA Kings this morning in NHL 11.
2.  Found out my buddy and his wife will have their baby this Sunday at the latest.
3.  My car still runs.  It's old.  I'm just really grateful for it this morning.

Well guys, second to last rule.  This one may cut you to the quick, but I've got to tell it like it is.  We've discussed the normal curve, and a little on how to beat it, but this post should help you look seriously at yourselves, where you fit on that curve, and if you want to change things.

Let's start with this:  Would you want to date you?  I want you to think about it seriously.  Take a moment.  Be silent.  Stop reading for a little while and think about it honestly.  If you were a woman in today's world, with rape, murder, abuse, and pain in the news everyday, would you want to be with you?  Would you trust you?  If a guy who looked and acted just like you walked up to your girl self, and asked for her number, would your girl self give it?  If you took your girl self on a couple of dates, would your girl self want to continue?  Even if the dates were planned well?

If you said no to these questions, let's consider changing.  Now, before you get all huffy, I don't want you to change what is fundamentally you.  Don't change your values, or your morals (unless your values consist of instant gratification and violence, and your morals consist of as many partners as possible and doing drugs as often as you can get your hands on them, because these can and need to change).  The image I want you to think of comes from Hitch, when he has the guy buy the new shoes and the guy says they aren't really him.  Hitch answers, "YOU, is a very fluid term right now.  You bought the shoes.  You look great in the shoes.  This is the you I'm talkin' about."  Don't change what's really important, but look at things that drag you to the outlying parts of the normal curve, and think about if those things are endearing or obnoxious.

For example:  When my wife and I first got married I was on the VERY far right side of opinionated... to be honest I still am.  How I expressed those opinions was also to the very far right.  How this really came across was that I always sounded like my word was law whenever we had an argument, because I expressed my opinions so forcefully and with so many supporting points.  My wife hadn't even had a chance to think about the issue, so she felt trapped, though she didn't like my conclusion.  She expressed that to me and I had to think, "Is 'expressing my opinions forcefully' really fundamentally me?  Would I want to be in my wife's position, feeling trapped every time there is a difference of opinion?"  My obvious answer was, "No.  On both counts."  So what did I do?  I changed.  I now ask my wife about something and give her time to think, or try to phrase my opinions in a softer way.  Everyone is happier.

So, today's advice:  If your not who you want to be, you can change.  If  you want to get fitter, weights and fitness plans exist.  If you want to be less abrasive, ask friends and family to tell you when you're being abrasive.  Do you dress in all black and wear KISS make up?  It's an easy fix:  buy some new clothes, and wake up a little later every morning.  Change will take time and effort.  I can say that because I used a lot of both of these before I became someone my wife would be able to tolerate.  I quit swearing.  It was hard, but chicks tend to not like it.  I figured out which jokes were funny to my guy and girl friends, and which ones weren't, and I stopped using the ones girls didn't like.  Change is possible and effective, I promise.

Have a nice day.


  1. Change is difficult but so often worth it when done for the right reasons. I've liked the idea of trying to see yourself from the other person's perspective. Excellent advice yet again.

  2. So how do I change my excessive vertical status? haha. Nothing exists at this point so I learn to embrace it. :)

  3. Nope. I wouldn't want to date me. *sheepish face*

  4. @Vinny
    Thanks guy. It's really been a lifelong persuit of mine.

    Don't get too worried about it. Before I dated Bri, I dated a girl who was 5'11" or 6' or something like that. You being tall is fundementally you. Don't lose it. :)

    It's a rough thing to come to terms with. To be honest, I still wouldn't date me...