Thursday, February 24, 2011

Rule 3: Let's Work on Your Pick Up Line

1.  I made the Dean's list last semester.
2.  I missed Yoga all last week, and paid for it on Wednesday when we worked on transitions.  The pain was marvelous. (I'm not even joking)
3.  My wife's tummy was measured, and she's the size she is supposed to be.  Also, Baby J's heart still beats and my wife is gaining and appropriate amount of weight.  Feels good.

Okay, so now you know that the trick to dating is to realize that it's a numbers game, and that you should ask anyone out who is remotely interesting, but how do you do it.  We'll have to work on pick up lines here.  Everyone seems to have what they think is the best line ever.  Usually the line is funny and is supposed to show how charming they are. (When in Switzerland, I met a Danish guy who tried to teach me a pick up line in Danish.  He said the translation was, "Hey you're super cute, does your daddy need a new son-in-law."  He said it worked every time).  I'm here to give you the best pick up line ever.  It has been tested, tried, and is found to be bona fide (an actual legal word. Weird huh?).  The line is, this is going to blow your mind, "Hi, my name is ______, what's yours?"  Did you feel that?  Those chills that let you know that you've just heard pure genius?  I'm not even joking.  As funny as, "Did it hurt?"  She asks what? "Falling from heaven." is a nice sentiment, telling her your name, then asking for hers, actually works.  It let's her know that you are willing to divulge appropriate information (showing that you're not a creeper) and that you are interested in more than sex, you know, something like her name.

Now that you have her name, the next line is CRUCIAL.  After she tells you her name, you may want to grab a brown paper bag and be sure to be sitting down, you say, "I was wondering if I could get your phone number so that I can ask you on a date."  (bolded for emphasis, not for you to yell it).  Okay, now breathe.  I know this seems like the craziest thing to say, and I know that word is scary, but let me tell you an anecdote.  When I stopped my awesome earringed soon to be wife in church, she was sick and remembered very little of the exchange.  The convo went like this:
"Hey, my name is Paul, you know, like the Apostle, or McCarty.  What's yours?" 
"'Me butchering her name?'"
 "No, it's _______."
"Oh, okay.  Well that's a nice name.  I was wondering if I could get your phone number so that I could ask you on a date."
"Oh, yeah, it's _______."
"Awesome. Well, I'll call you sometime this week to figure things out."
She then walked out of the building to go home so that she could try and take some medication that might make her feel better.

She told me later that she remembered two things about the conversation.  1.  That I used one of the Beatles to introduce myself.  2.  That I asked her on a DATE.  I didn't ask her if she "wanted to do something,"  or worse, if she "wanted to chill sometime."  She told me, and I've had several girls back her up, that they HATE when they don't know what they'll be doing, because they don't know what to expect.  Will we be paired?  Will you be planning it, or are we just hanging out?  Will you be paying for it, or should I bring money? (Girls, always bring money.  You never know when some guy is going to be lame).  Guys, you need to use the word 'date' in your asking so that they aren't left guessing.

I'll actually splitting this one into two days because I have a lot more to say about it, and I've promised to keep my posts short.  This rule straight up works though..You could actually get to asking today, and tomorrow I'll be telling you how to go about doing things once you have those digits.  Get excited.  Anyway, I've got to run.  Have a nice day.


  1. Took a bit catching up with you! Rule one! That's a goody - sure there's someone for everyone - the numbers game (your second post) - sure it'll help you check out your preferences, and I do like your pick up line! It's straight forward, non-creepy and non-threatening. No wonder you got yourself a lovely wife!

  2. I agree that you need to use the word "date" but I also think it would be nice to talk to her for at least 5 minutes before asking for a phone number. I wouldn't give a guy my number when the only thing I know about him is his name. Doesn't need to be long and drawn out but a few facts about him would help me feel more secure that he is a genuinely good guy, and not going to kidnap and rape me :)

  3. Surprisingly enough, this is very true. I used it on my wife as well, and look at that, I got married. haha

  4. Congratulations on making the Dean's honor list and for your wife's belly size.:)
    Exercising; good pain.

    Yes, never use a pick up line, women hate it and rightfully so.

  5. Smart stuff #2. Keep it coming. My son will need this information sooner than I am comfortable with but whatever, it's good info.

  6. @MM
    Thanks, for all four of the compliments. And I really do have such a stellar wife. SO cool.

    Thank you so much for bringing that up. I'm putting your advice on my next post. I was actually hoping women might throw their two cents into this so that I'd have some advice from the source, not just my own observations.

    Thanks for the testimony. I'm so happy you two found each other, and I'm so excited for tomorrow.

    Thanks. And I agree that it is right for them to hate pick up lines. Most are dumb, and ususally just make them feel awkward.

    PLEASE show them to your son, and then let me know about how they are received. I'm debating writing a short book on some tips for dating for young men just getting into it. I'd be much more inclined to do so if I knew it would be received well.