Thursday, March 29, 2012

Maybe I'll Worry About this Other Stuff Tomorrow

I keep opening my eyes and staring into the darkness.  The last time I dared look at the big red numbers on my nightstand it told me it was three in the morning.  I couldn't dare look over again.  I'd close my eyes and peer into darkness again, but it was soon filled by a wave of thoughts and feelings.

The comings and goings of the day had been interesting.  I almost wrote difficult, but that would give the wrong impression.  Nothing wrong happened.  It was just a day filled with thoughts and feelings that I was trying to work through.  I was trying to work through them at three in the morning and beyond.  Another glass of water?  No.  I'm not thirsty, I'm exhausted.

Why can't I sleep?  The most amusing is thinking about swimming at the public pool for exercise.  I don't swim well.  I never have.  But swimming is a low impact workout that should help with my back problems.  So, after doing some water exercises what do I do?  I swim laps, in the slow lane, on my back, trying to make my shoulders relax as I envision drowning when I forget to breathe and I sink a little, and then think of a shark coming out of the water and biting into my torso when I forget to kick.  I still managed two laps.  In bed, I think of asking the lifeguard if a predator (aside from the homo sapiens) has ever entered the pool.  I envision his answer.  One makes me think of an alligator attacking me, another makes me think of an anaconda attacking me, the last turns his face into a mixture between a piranha and that deep sea fish on Finding Nemo, with him answering, "Just me."

Some less amusing ones are politics, religion, or general principles that I've been debating with people on the internet, which lead me to other debates in my life, both online and off.  Some make me remember things I've learned and need to do differently, others make me wonder why people won't listen to reason.  I try to clear it all out, but it won't go.  It seems that once one thing leaves my mind there's another thought that has been dying for some face time who shoves him/herself into my mind and it's me thinking about that all over again.

I hear a noise.  It sounds like branches hitting our window.  The wind has  been blowing.  It also sounds a little like people robbing us.  What if I saw a dark shadow coming down the hall?  How should I protect my family?

I try to think of what I'd do with a million dollars, but that dream won't stick.

More thoughts flood and I get more tired.  I need sleep.  I need to wake up in the morning.  Stabbing through the darkness comes a tiny voice, "Bah, bah."  She's obviously talking in her sleep.  Butterflies come and carry away everything I'm thinking about.  How would a predator get into the public pool without someone noticing?  Things always seem to work out don't they?  Our house would be hard to break into, wouldn't they choose an easier house?  I have a beautiful little girl.  Maybe I'll just be grateful I have her, and worry about all this other stuff tomorrow.


  1. i hate when my head won't stop working so i can sleep

    1. So true. And it's happening to me more and more. ugh.

  2. With fatherhood sleep becomes the exception not the rule.

    1. I'm not laughing cause it's funny, I'm laughing cause it's true...