Brace for the Cliche: Resolutions!

Well, happy New Year to you all.  I know it's the eve, but I don't like separating the two days.

I'm making some resolutions that I think are both attainable and realistic for my future, and because I'm a lazy blogger, I will lay them out now, and hope I get asked about them later to keep my honest.

1.  I'm going to work out.  I'm not saying I'm going to lose a particular amount of poundage, or even get rid of my belly.  I'm just going to work out.  My parents have weights and a tred mill, my classes don't start until eleven in the morning, my mom works out every morning and said I could come work out with her.  I'm going to do it.  Ask me about it occasionally please.

2.  I am going to find an agent.  If any of you know a legit one, let me know.  I've got a children's book written and I'm working on a late teen novel.

3.  I'm going to write this summer.  I already planned on this, and was good about it this last summer,  but I thought I'd throw in a gimme goal.

This is it.  We're partying with my parents tonight.  Steak, fondue, Rock Band, and Madden 11.  Does life get better, I submit that it does not.

A Little Beef with Soda and Candy Companies

I've got beef with soda and candy companies.  Now, I don't mind that they pump their products full of sugar and harmful chemicals.  I can make decisions for myself and take full responsibility for the size of my ass.  It's no secret that candy and soda makes your ass grow and I think it's embarrassing how people try to pawn the responsibility of their actions on to faceless companies because it's easier than taking that responsibility onto themselves.

But I digress, I'm not talking about harmful products or the moron's that blame their bad actions on the companies that make those products.  I'm not talking about those things at all.  What I am talking about is flavor naming.  I'm down with "cola" because "cola" is a made up name for a flavor.  I'm also pretty down with "lemon-lime," because it tastes mildly like those fruits.  In reality, I have beef with two flavor names.

Exhibit One:  Fruit Punch.  Have you ever collected any number of fruits, put them in a blender, and come out with a cocktail that tasted like a heavy syruped soda that had lost its carbonation?  Yeah, neither have I.  Fruit punch is a sorry excuse for companies to leave out the carbonation from a drink.  And this isn't the worst of it.  "Fruit Punch" makes no promise of flavor.  No "Fruit Punch" tastes the same, from Hawaiian to Hi-C.  It's mystery flavor, that's what it is.  If it's Mystery Flavor, why don't they just call it that.  Airheads made a mystery flavor and their still doing just fine.

Exhibit Two:  "Grape:" whatever the hell that is.  I have never tasted a grape that tastes anything like these candies, or these medicines for that matter.  They are superior to the Fruit Punch though, at least they all taste the same.  When you get a Grape flavored soda or candy, you can be sure of what it will taste like, but with that certainty comes the knowledge that what you've purchased will taste nothing like any grape you've tasted.  Why can't they be honest and call it Purple Flavor.  We all know that the purple colored candies and sodas taste the same, they taste like purple.

There is a small caveat that I need to make here:  Hi-Chew Fruit Chews that are Grape, really do taste like grapes.  The only candy company that is off the hook here.

Again, I don't mind that the companies make the flavors that they do, but let's start being honest with each other.  Heavy syrup with a lack of carbonation is not grounds for "Fruit Punch,"  and purple food coloring does not constitute "Grape."  I don't try to give them Monopoly Money and call it American Currency do I?  I'd appreciate the same courtesy.

The First Time My Wife Threw Up

So, I wrote a couple of posts, back when my wife was pregnant and no one knew.  I saved them, so that I could post them once we told the world about our "little miracle." (I'm debating trying to sound as weird about this pregnancy as possible...)
Let me set the scene.  I was flossing my teeth, she was taking a bath.  She leaned forward to grab the shampoo and started gagging.  She had gagged before, so I wasn't too worried.  I asked if she was going to be okay, and if she needed to use the toilet.  She looked worried, so I lifted the seat and continued flossing.  She gagged a few more times and looked VERY panicked, so I walked to her and helped her span the bathtub, feet bracing against the back of it, and head heaving up the Sonic chili cheese tots we ate for dinner.  I held her hair and thanked God that watching people throw up doesn't make me throw up.  What a nice moment.  This was on the very first day of the eighth week.

To be honest, she hasn't felt very good since.  I often think she's mad at me, or frustrated, or something, so I ask, but she just answer that she feels sick.  They say this should subside here in the second trimester, but things aren't looking much better.  I even got her preggi pops, which seem to help a little, but not enough to make her feel totally better.  Pray for me would ya?

Every Day, in Every Way, Scrooge is Getting Worse

I decided to take a few days off for Christmas, which made my countdown make no sense, but let's move past that.

Before I get right into the last item of my countdown, I have some great news that my wife and I decided to keep a secret until Christmas:  We're pregnant!  In June, I'm going to be a dad.  My wife doesn't want to know the gender until it is born, so I don't know if I'll be a dad to a little baby boy, or a dad to an adorable baby girl, but I'll be a dad.  I told my primary class of eleven year old boys, and asked if they thought I seemed like a dad, and in unison they all said "no."  I really can't blame them, I don't see myself as a dad either, but I sure will be.  Anyway, we're really stoked.

Which leads into the last thing on my countdown, I love the baby Jesus.  I love that he was born in a manger, and that he had loving earthly parents, and that he is our redeemer, and savior, and advocate, and friend.  I love celebrating that he came here to save me.  I love being reminded that if I were the only person to ever repent and be saved by the Atonement, he'd still have come to this earth, bled on Calvary, and died on Golgotha.  I love remembering that he loves me that much.

This might actually be the root of why I get so sick of Christmas.  If you'll remember all the things I counted on my countdown, very few of them have Jesus roots.  I don't care how many times I hear fake stories about how "The Evergreen Tree stands for everlasting life..."  I still know those stories aren't true.  Evergreen trees in our homes have nothing to do with ever lasting life.  Santa's generosity may remind us of Jesus, but that's not why he is so generous.  We've taken Christ out of Christmas, and that drives me nuts.  Anyway, I did try to love Christmas more this year, and it semi-worked.  I'm still a bit of a Grinch, but I'll try to be better next year.

Happy New Year Everyone!!!

Monopoly, There's Really Only One Day When There's Enough Time for It

The date says December twenty-fourth, it's Christmas Eve for certain (Muppets reference anyone).  So we only have to put up with my Christmas loving self for two more days and then I can go back to my old scroogey self.  But since that hasn't happened yet, let's go on to round seven.

I like that Christmas is a day of chilling out, just when you get some new stuff and your family is forced to play it with you.  Every year we get board games, and movies, and video games, and what's the first thing you want to do with these things:  Play with them with other people, and what is Christmas great for:  A house full of people to play them with.  My wife and I decided to give ourselves Rock Band this year, and we are so excited to have the other two instruments taken up by people in our family, and I'm sure Rock Band won't be the only gift shared.  We'll watch new movies and play new games and generally have a great time with each other.

Christmas morning is a great time to solidify bonds you have with other people.  It's a great morning for uninterrupted fun.  It's a great time for family and friends to come closer together without all of the frustrating interruptions and cares that so often get in the way.

So, only one more sleep til Christmas, I hope you've all been naughty so Santa doesn't have to drive so much in the snow. :)

Day Six: What to Watch

While I may not like a lot of what is produced for the festive winter holiday, I must give a shout out to some well made films.  This, is day six.

Fist and foremost, is A Christmas Story.  This great movie includes such great lines as, "You'll shoot your eye out!"  and "There it was, electric sex in my front window."  I would say that A Christmas Story is probably the most honest of all Christmas movies.  It shows how awkward gifts from Aunt Edna are, and how scary it is for kids to go and talk to the man in the red suit.  It's a genuine classic that hits home every time.

The second movie of note is A Muppet Christmas Carol.  It has all of our favorite Muppet characters such as Gonzo as Charles Dickens, Kermit as Bob Cratchet, Miss Piggy as Emily Cratchet, and Rizzo the Rat as himself.  It has a beautiful mixture of Muppet humor and the true meaning of Dickens's classic.  I'm not gonna lie, I usually cry a little when the movie talks about Tiny Tim.

Moving on!  The last and final one is, of course, The Nightmare Before Christmas.  This Burton classic has the music of Danny Elfman, and a story that mixes Burton's genius and the human condition.  We, like Jack, often get bored with what we're doing and think we'll try to take on someone else's "holiday" as it were.  And, we often fall on our faces, but we can say that we did our best, and it often helps us to get back to what we were doing.  My wife argues that this is only a Halloween movie, but I think it doubles.  It helps us see Christmas through new eyes, and helps us know that some of it doesn't make a lot of sense, but it's the feeling of it that we wish we could share with everyone.

I may not like a lot of Christmas things, but these three are absolute classics that are delightful and fit my picky tastes.  If you haven't seen them, I recommend you give them a shot this Christmas.

Bells Are Ringing Outside of Wal-Mart

The Salvation Army, Goodwill, Deseret Industries, Secret Santa, Angel Tree, Toys for Tots, and so many more.  All of them organizations that help people who are down on their luck and all of them organizations that either only work around Christmas, or do their best around Christmas.

It reminds me of Scrooge when he asks, "Are there no Prisons?  No work houses?"  Many of us look upon the needy the rest of the year and this is our response, but not around Christmas.  Something about the season makes us remember that we're all children of God, and that sometimes bad luck happens several years in a row, and we all need help from time to time.  I just love watching people go through stores with hand written notes, frantically trying to find a toy they've never heard of so that they can help a family who can't afford it this year.  I can't help but smile.  I can't help but think that Jesus wants things this way.

I know it causes a lot more stress for a lot of people.  Both on the giving and receiving end of the charity, but I think it's worth it.  Even in parents have made horrible choices, we all think that their children should have Christmas because they didn't make the choices.  Anyway, Christmas Charity is my number five.